Waking To Tears

Waking To Tears Reviews

Waking to Tears: Losing a Loved One to Violence
Reviewed by Laura Slap-Shelton, Psy.D.
7-27-2001

Waking to Tears: Losing a Loved One to Violence brings into direct focus the devastating effects of such a loss. Traci Bieber Nelson, who lost both of her parents to separate violent deaths, has compiled the unedited writings of those who have lost parents, children, spouses and others through murder. The writings are incredibly moving and challenging to read in their direct revelation of pain and anger. They serve her intended purpose to let others who have had such losses know they are not alone, and to make all of us aware of violence’s terrible cost to society.

The writings are organized alphabetically by state and author. Some of the writers have chosen to remain anonymous. The anger, pain, loss, and ongoing void in the lives of the writers brought about by the senseless, meaningless violence of others are highlighted throughout the varied essays and poems.

In one essay, “You Should Be Getting On WITH Your Life”, Debra O’Brien writes, “ ‘You should be getting on with your life’, says a friend of mine. I am always amazed by that statement. When people say that to me I want to SCREAM at them, but I don’t because I realize they do not say it to upset me... What is it they really want from me? For me to be the same person as I was before my son, Devin, was murdered? NO that will never happen. Part of me was murdered with him and I will never be the same. Shot in the head three times is not something you ever ‘get over’ or ‘forget’! (p.53)”

There are a number of poems and memories in tribute to the people who have been murdered. Some of the writers also call for a change in the way our society handles the rights of victims and their families, and for changes in our society’s seemingly endless tolerance for guns and reckless behaviors. The unfailing love and continuing connection to those who have died is one of the major themes which unites all of the writings. The concluding stanza to a poem by Deb in Florida captures this well, “I will carry you with me/Until my life on earth ends/When we are together in heaven/Where my heart finally mends. (p.37)”

By making the personal cost of violence clear, Waking to Tears makes an impassioned, eloquent plea for ending the violence endemic to our society. Bieber Nelson writes, “We live in a disposable fast paced society. Finding the quick and easiest way through life. Does this mean we take others lives when we are not happy? Does this mean we rob, injure and kill someone because we don’t like his or her beliefs, race, religion, sexuality, opinions or decisions? Does this mean when we are not happy with ourselves we take our own life or kill others? . . . There is no clear answer to violence but changes must be made. Violence can strike no matter where you live, no matter what race, religion, occupation or social status- violence knows no boundaries.(pp.xi-xii)”

Waking To Tears is vital reading for all who have lost a loved one to violence and for all who have not.

(posted with permission from Laura Slap-Shelton, Psy.D)